Death is The End


Death is The End.

Its where everything finishes, for the person who is dying anyway. For that person, all the pains, problems, issues, and what-have-you of this life – its all over.

What remains behind are the people who care for that person, love that person, and who will miss that person. 

All the memories will still be there, but, the person won’t. And that hurts. Its painful. Hurt, Regret, Anger even – are some of the feelings that overwhelm those who are left behind.

Even they don’t know it, but suddenly, the person who has died becomes ‘a body’. Deep down inside they know, that it is but an empty shell that’s been left behind. A hollow shell, if you will, that once contained life. Maybe that’s what a soul is made up of, who knows? But now, something vital is not there any more.

For those of us who are left behind, the concept takes a while to register, to sink in.

But for the person who has gone away, Death is the final goodbye. The inevitable ending for their life’s story – Death is something no one can escape. 

Those left behind suddenly feel bereft. Suddenly, there is that one empty space in our lives, which can’t be filled by anything or anyone else. 

Perhaps, that is why we have all these rites, a funeral. Powered by our myths and beliefs, we come together to shed our tears, share our favorite memories, laugh and cry – and say our goodbye. A beautiful ritual so that all those who are left behind can say their final goodbyes. A send-off for the soul.

“Go ahead,” we all seem to tell that soul, “fly off into the world beyond this world, and find peace. Go be in pain no more. Laugh. Smile. Be happy.”

Our memories though, will always remain. Some digital. Some just in our minds. All of them in our hearts.

We will miss you. Terribly.

Of Plots and Characters

All the World's A Stage

Life is made up of good and bad things that happen to good and bad people. These situations are the plots in which these people become characters, and they all play a role.

Perhaps The Bard wasn’t wrong when he said:

All the world’s a stage,

And all the men and women merely players.

The roles and the situations are to some extent pre-decided by The Great Writer in the Sky. But I strongly believe that there are some parts which He doesn’t write.

Those are the parts which he cannot write.

I can totally relate to that agony in my role as a writer. Sometimes, even while the writer decides the plot and the role that the character will play in that plot, the character goes rogue and does something totally unexpected, throwing the entire plot in a mad frenzy.

Those are the days I want to tear my hair out. I growl about in a mad agony, wondering and angry – how could he / she do that? Why? Whatever for?

But then the anger soon simmers down and the calm breeze of rational thought flows through my mind.

typing the storyYes, I say. It is free will. And then I sit and watch as the character does his own thing and the words flow free and clear from my fingertips and onto the screen.

Yes, I feel. This is as it should be. Because this is exactly what this character would have done in this situation.

Sometimes, even as a writer, I don’t know who and what my character is. And these are the times when I come to know. I realize his / her true potential. I get to know his flaws and his strengths. I truly come to understand what his / her life is all about when I see it from his / her perspective.

And when I see it from their point of view, I can feel it strong enough to write about it with conviction. I don the mask for a brief time, and then I take it off. I step into the role for a while, and then step out. Like entering a room and exiting it.

Over the course of this time, I’ve started to believe that plotting each and every scene for my story is a pointless task. Because I fully expect my characters to throw it all into whack at some undefined point in the story.

I’ve become so very comfortable in letting go of the control. I don’t have to hold the reins so tight. I simply cannot.

flawless beautyFor me, it is a new feeling altogether.

But I’ve started to become comfortable with staying loose, and not having that kind of minute control.

And the story… Ah! The story! The whole thing leaves me breathless in the end. So flawless. So real. Even more than what I had hoped that it would become! Isn’t that funny?

Perhaps, this is why The Great Writer in the Sky gave us Free Will. But I’m inclined to think that perhaps we took it from him – being the wilful characters that we all are.

No, not pampered or spoilt, or in any way rude. But wilful. We thrive on being able to use our will to serve and swerve the plotlines that were laid down for us.

What fun!

Some Recent Realizations…


These are some of the recent realizations I’ve had…

The Karmic Account Balance

past-life-regressionRecently, a friend and I were discussing past life regression. I have a lot of experiences about it, and he was curious about it.

I’ve seen a bunch of my past lives – not fully, but bits of it which are relevant to my life and karmic lessons in this lifetime. Each time, when I’ve focused on a particular aspect or experience, and I’ve looked into my past lives, I’ve discovered interesting truths about the origins of those experiences. And through those experiences, I have been able to identify and understand the reasons why certain experiences have come up in this lifetime, and what I was supposed to learn because of them.

Sometimes, the clarity came right away. But then, there were those times when it took a bit of time for the clarity to come through.

Yet, he was curious about the concept of ‘balancing the Karmic accounts’. And here’s what I’ve learned about it: essentially, the karmic accounts need to be balanced. The good needs to be equal to the bad. And once that state has been achieved, one has the opportunity to decide what to do next: to go on the path of either ‘good’ or ‘bad’ to learn more lessons, or to detach from this endless cycle completely.

The concept is that the account needs to be balanced. Even if you do some more ‘good’, it means that you will need to do some ‘bad’ to balance it out, and vice-versa. Also, it bears noting that with every single thing you do, you will accumulate some sort of karma all over again.

One is Not Always ‘Good’

good-and-badTo say that one was a ‘good’ person in each of the lifetimes would be a lie.

For instance, in one of the lives I saw, there were 6 different people who did a few ‘bad’ things to me. And in my current lifetime, those 6 people did hurtful things to me all over again. However, in another session with an energy practitioner, I learned that I had, in one lifetime, done something really bad to 4 of those 6 people as well.

That was when I realized that this cycle of hurting each other had gone on for a while. In a few lifetimes, they had hurt me. But there were a few lifetimes when I had hurt them too!

To say that this was an eye-opener is an understatement!

The Choices We Make

past-present-futureThis, then, is truly an endless cycle. Since we have no clue about the current state of our karmic account balances, we, naturally, strive to do more ‘good’. But then, that could also unsettle the balance if we have too much of it on the ledger, right?

Also, since we focus on specific aspects of ‘bad’ stuff happening to us in this lifetime, the only information we acquire during the PLR sessions is about the ‘bad’ stuff that happened to us, and their resultant consequences. We often don’t see the lifetimes when we’ve done our ‘bad’ parts. We don’t get to see the times when we’ve also done ‘bad’ things to those people who are doing the ‘bad’ things to us in this lifetime.

Because of this essential existential karmic conundrum, the question naturally arises: What does one do? What does one choose?

Do we keep on doing only ‘good’ stuff, in the hopes that we will essentially ‘win’ this in the end because we’ve been really ‘good’ and therefore deserve to find the detachment from this endless cycle?

Is there really a ‘win’ or ‘lose’ in this endless cycle? Because, the way I see it, once this version of the Universe ceases to exist, another Universe will spring up and the whole thing will begin from scratch.

Of course, those detached souls will have the option to participate or watch over the whole thing. I suppose that could constitute the ‘win’ in this game. I suppose.

Is Detachment Really Worth It In the End?

DetachmentThis is the question I’ve been grappling with these past few years really…

Even if I managed to find my way to being a part of the chosen ‘detached’ few who merely watch on and don’t participate, would I be truly happy in that state? Would I like it there?

I’ve always disliked utopian situations. Viscerally. They just don’t hold any appeal to me. I don’t know why or how, but ever since these concepts became known to me, something deep inside of me felt truly unsettled at the thought of ending up as someone who was detached and not participating.

In fact, I’ve tried isolating myself from the world in real life too, in order to get a sense of what it may feel like. I’ve spent years distancing myself from the world at large, not interacting much with the outside world.

While I’m not uncomfortable with that sort of existence, something deep within me isn’t quite fond of the entire experience either.

I’ve pondered upon this, meditated upon this and thought about it a lot – this strange feeling I have that emerges from deep, deep within me.

What I Choose

meditating-silhouetteIt is after a lot of these deep thoughts that I’ve arrived at a conclusion that has satisfied me on all levels.

I will continue to live my life joyfully, happily, and living each moment fully. I will adhere to the moral codes and principles that have guided me so far in this journey. I will not completely detach myself from the world either. I will participate only in the places where I get to experience the joy and the sadness that appeals to me.

For those who have knowingly and unknowingly hurt me, I am finding a way to forgive them, and let them go so that there are no more karmic connections between us.

For those who I may have hurt, either knowingly or unknowingly, I am requesting their forgiveness, and for them to let go of any sort of karmic connections with me.

This, according to me, would be the best way to go forward.

Even if I reach that state where my karmic accounts are balanced, and I can choose to detach myself from this process, I don’t think I can fully detach. Why? Because I love the feeling of being alive. Because I love the feeling of experiencing the small and large joys of this world. Because, strangely, I also feel alive during the sad moments that one experiences during the process of being alive like this.

This, then, is what life truly is: a fully realized experience, replete with happy and sad moments. The person who finds peace and joy in either is someone who is fully alive. And I intend to reach that ideal. Maybe, I’ve come to a certain point in that journey. But I know that there are more adventures ahead.

Conquering a Demon – Done!

Winner-2014-Square-ButtonI am feeling too good.


Finally, after 9-odd years of procrastination, I finally conquered the beast that was NaNoWriMo. Finally!

I feel like I’m on top of the world.

Existence throws you so many different rocks sometimes, that you lose sight of the real thing – the one thing that makes you happy.

Something like that happened to me with regards to my writing.

Thankfully, NaNoWriMo came to my rescue. I was determined to do it this year. But this time my determination was solid. More solid than the past years. And more importantly, it was backed up with a fire that came from deep within me. I had to do it. It was now or never for me.

And guess what? I did it! Check out my recent post about finishing NaNoWriMo on mywriting blog site, and you’ll see what I mean.

Sometimes you need a push to remember who and what you are, and to reconnect with your heart. This NaNoWriMo was just that for me.

Already, I am working on the next project. I haven’t stopped. I am going to keep going.

I have a plan, and I have to keep the promises I’ve made to myself.

Challenge Accepted


I’ve been in a writing rut. I know it and everyone else around me knows it too (grumpy me is a dead giveaway!).

But then I got an email from the NaNoWriMo people and then, all of a sudden, I was happy. Regardless of the reason, I figured that NaNoWriMo was a great way for me to kickstart my writing.

And guess what, its been bumpy, but I think I can manage it.

If you are curious, just hop on over to to read it for yourself. I’ve decided to go all out with all of my shameful habits – procrastination, letting life get to me, laziness etc.

You know what – it is working. For one reason or the other, I’m pretty much on track with my writing so far. Phew!

The Contradictions in the World We Live In


Our world is so full of contradictions, it isn’t funny.

Granted, everyone has the right to their opinions, but will “Society” please stand up and publish a list of rules or something, somewhere, just so we mere mortals have a reference point. Even if it is for breaking the “rules”, we need to know what those “rules” are in the first place.

A recent piece of news sparked this post, actually. I wonder what’s up with the world. Especially, when it comes to Sex. We fall over ourselves in our efforts to contradict ourselves. Really! We do!

India: This is Our World

Khajuraho TemplesIn India, the land where the Kamasutra was written, where we have temples dedicated to sex, where sex is also a highly evoloved Yoga practice – we don’t talk about it to our kids. If they want to conduct Sex Education classes in school, the parents protest outside the schools, claiming that these classes will make their kids want to have sex!

In India, where no woman goes unmolested (from creepy uncles and neighbors, to random loafers on the street and greasy pawing on buses and trains, to full-blown beastly gang rapes), we prosecute only the women for prostitution.

Sunny-LeoneIn India, where a random porn star with little or no ability for acting, becomes famous for shaking her booty to raunchy numbers, where ”item songs” are added to every movie so that they attract more audiences, the police arrest a woman who is forced to enter the flesh trade because she isn’t left with any options, while the perpetrators of the crime roam freely, unscathed.

I think, prostitution is considered to be a crime in most cultures and countries (correct me if I am wrong here), and only the women are held guilty for it.

Why is it that only women are considered to be the guilty party?

Why is it that when they are down and out, selling their bodies is the only option made available to women since the dawn of time?

USA: This is Our World

The US is slightly more sophisticated than that, I suppose. Here, things have turned on their head. We have mass media feeding us all sorts of wrong image archetypes, blurring the lines of morality and confusing the standards of right and wrong.

KardashiansA noted celeb family in the USA started its journey to fame and fortune (oh yes! Hundreds of millions of $$s) when one of their daughters slept with someone, and made a tape of it. Then they got featured on a reality show, and began their journey to achieving their celebrity status. Everywhere they go, crowds cheer them on, and buy stuff they sell in their stores, and make them their idols. Blogs are rife with gossip about them, and glossy magazines pay hundreds of thousands of dollars to photograph them as they marry someone, only to dump each other months later.

Teen MomAnother reality show glorifies teenage girls who got themselves pregnant (oops!) and are now going through their unique issues and troubles, while making them famous. This inevitably contributes to making other girls feel as if it is all right to do what these girls did. Are these kind of idols even supposed to be present? But they are.

Prostitution is still considered to be a crime here though. Although, from what I’ve seen and heard, both parties are held accountable for it. Regardless, it doesn’t really carry much of a penalty. You can pay a fine, do a few hours of community service, get a few counselling sessions, and you are off the hook.

Mass Media Creates Mass Perceptions

Mass MediaI do believe that on various levels Mass Media is responsible for keeping such antiquated and wrong perceptions alive and well in the psyche of the world.

Whether in India or in the US, it is the Mass Media that keeps the hype going, while cashing in on the trend. Throw in words like “moral values” and everything is all right under the sun, isn’t it?

The Mass Media, while having the responsibility to report the facts as they are, also has the responsibility of talking about the current social problems and uncovering the dreadful hypocrisy that lurks behind these closed doors. It is their responsibility to educate the masses, and to cultivate a certain level of understanding among the mob that eats up their prose.

Calvin N Hobbs Mass Media Worship
They have no right to distort the facts just so they can sell a few hundred thousand copies of their magazines and newspapers.

In fact, the world (by this, I mean the real world) is changing all around them, but they don’t even seem to have noticed. With the passage of time, and due to the growth of scientific knowledge, our lives have evolved from the stage of primitive man hunting in the jungles to men and women battling it out in lives rife with modern day existential issues.

While a certain level of society achieves a celebrity status thanks to the Mass Media, it is worth noting that their only claim to fame is their debauchery. Whereas, real issues and real people with real problems are simply not highlighted at all. They don’t get as much exposure simply because they don’t bring in the ratings and the sales.

Granted, no one wants to read sad stories all the time. However, there are stories of normal people with extraordinary lives, who have proved without a doubt that the gender bias perpetuated by ‘society’s morals and values’ doesn’t really exist. Or rather, it is on its way to changing for the better.

In Conclusion…

Modern WomanPushing ghoonghat clad, obedient bahus into the television screens needs to be replaced by women who bravely conquer the world, sans ghoonghat but with dignity and pride.

Stepping away from celebrities who only flash their bodies to get publicity, the mass media ought to focus on the real women who handle their day-to-day with sense and acumen.

The Mass Media and the so-called ‘Society’ needs to get their collective heads out of their asses, and start doing the right thing by promoting the truth, rather than the hype.

Rather than adding their helping hand to the process of dumbing down the minds of the people (all this, while Curiosity Rover hurtles down the surface of Mars), mass media should become the channel through which intelligence and open minded discussions create a pathway for waking up the masses from their decades long slumber, and awakening them to the reality of a changed world.

Hopefully this will slowly work towards changing the mindset that exploitation of women is somehow allowed and acceptable. Those concepts need to be slowly eradicated from the minds of the people by educating them about how to treat women respectfully by setting the right example – both on our television screens and in our households .

Math and I

math problems

Math and I

Schrodingers CatAs a child, Math was something I simply couldn’t understand. Give me complex ideas of Physics like the cat fellow whose cat was both alive and dead, and I’ll get it right away.

Schrödinger – yeah, that’s who he was!

But put an x in an equation and ask me to solve it – I’ll break out in hives.

Talk to me about the elasticity of demand and I’m all ears. But why does it have to be expressed mathematically? Why? I mean, the concept is clear, just as it is! Why bring Math into it, huh?

Stuff like this video makes absolute sense to me. But math problems! They scare me more than the fact that in some parallel universe, Schrödinger himself would be the cat AND be dead and alive at the same time. Get it? Get it?

I firmly believed (and sometimes still do) that Math was invented to make people like me feel nervous.

Hey, every character has a flaw, a weak point, an Achilles Heel, if you will. And Math is mine.

Why, oh why, I used to wonder, do they even teach all this stuff in school. I mean, after all, who was going to use it after we left school anyway?

I mean, come on! Algebra! Shudders! At first, there was x. But then he was so alone, they got y to give him company.

Algebra is ScaryBut then, x had to go and plus this stupid y, and in a bracket and everything. Not satisfied with all that plus-ing, they decided to square them! And when they weren’t even done with figuring that out, they went and cube-ed them!

While I was just about coming around to figuring out what all of it meant, they decided enough was enough and lets square-root and cube-root the shit outta them!

Jeez! It was a miracle I came out in one piece!

And if that wasn’t enough, they had other forms of Math problems to torture me.

water-bucketWhy do you bother filling up a drum with water (after explicitly detailing the drum’s dimensions to us) , only to have a hole drilled somewhere in it to let the water out? I mean, seriously: what gives? Why do you want us to figure out when the drum will be full, or how long it will take for the water to drain out? Why are you filling a holey-drum with all that water anyway?

Two Trains in Opposite DirectionsAnd why, for God’s sake, do we need to know when those two trains who left from a nameless point A and nameless point B would pass each other, especially when they travel at some weirdly different speeds. Is someone going to jump from the top of train A onto the top of train B perhaps? Hey, in India, it was possible. But still, why do Math for it. Just wait, and the train ought to pass by some time, right?

pole and shadowIf that wasn’t enough, they began teaching Trigonometry, where everyone was measuring the shadows of poles and deriving formulae about some Theta and looking at Log Tables – none of which had absolutely nothing to do with the real problem, (or logs for that matter). All they wanted to know was how tall the pole was? Who gave a shit? Didn’t you know it when you ordered those poles and stuck them in the street? Who signed the contracts anyway? That guy is a dingbat!

And why, for fuck’s sake, is K the constant. I mean, why K… Why not Z or D or something else? Why only K for crying out loud? Why?

So far, in my life, I have never really seen or used any of the stupid stuff they shoved down our throats in Math class.

I know, I know. Perhaps, this stuff can be useful to some people. Just not me. I have no earthly use for it.

So why am I ranting about it?

Just because…