Happy New Year 2007!

It is the end of 2006 and 2007 will begin tomorrow (technically). It is past one a.m. in the night and 31st of December has begun. The year will change and with it so many things will become things from “last year”. How simple life really is! And how fast things change! They say that change is good for you, but they do not know the pains and the happiness that change involves.

In this year just to be over, so many things happened that have now changed my life. I have gained and lost so much and yet, so little! One may say that life has taken a leap forward for me after being in stasis for so long. Yet to the naked eye, nothing much has changed.

Perhaps the change is internal and somewhat external. But whatever or wherever the change may lie, the change has happened. Life, such as it is will move on. I know it. That is inevitable and unchanging.

Let’s see – the beginning of this year saw me joining a company where I was to learn how to be confident of my skills as a writer on a professional level. This was also the organisation where I was to meet the man I would eventually fall in love with – without my wanting to be so. Still, so it was and remains to this day. Then towards the middle of the year, I had left the organisation to strike out on my own, knowing fully well that I had no fallback plan or safety net to hang on to, except for the will to go on. Yet I took the leap and did not look back. I am very nearly broke now, by the way, but that does not matter now. I am still here and going strong. Soon, I shall bounce back to where I was and then there really will be no turning back professionally.

Personally, this year has been a roller coaster ride. This man I met and eventually fell in love with, turned out to be a really good man. He is caring and loving and at the same time a creative and intelligent soul, who understands many of the pains that creative people suffer with. I have also lost someone dear to me. She was my friend from the past 10 years or so. I finally took the step that I was afraid to take. She always underestimated me – I always felt it and knew it. But I was afraid to let go of her, because she was my only friend. Somehow I realised that she did not share the sentiment. We fought because I finally vented and told her some truths about the way I felt. Of course, this is painful, but then, partings always are. Maybe we will meet someday, and then I shall see if she does treat me with respect. If not, then I shall not regret this decision. And if she does, then I shall welcome the humility in her, but I shall not let her in my heart again. It is only a fool who repeats mistakes so grave.

This year, I also gave up something – a dream, a wish of mine that came true. It was the time to be practical. This was the thing I had been wanting for quite some time. I had it in my grasp, but I had not the means to manage it well. I gave it up – I became practical. Yet this is the thing I regret the most. I had wanted this so that I would never be alone again. And yet by giving it up, here I am – alone. Truly alone.

Oh – I know there are several people in this world, far and near, who do care for me. But then, I am truly alone – as is everyone else in this world. It was about time that I acknowledged it and accepted it, I suppose. And this process is quite revealing.

It reveals all our fears to our own self. And in facing those fears, one truly evolves, I think. I am facing them now.

On a spiritual level too, many things happened within the year. I glimpsed many things from my past lives when I went through a regression seminar in August. Many things became clear to me and still are becoming clear day by day. Life becomes simplified. Tarot has helped me see things more and more clearly too. I have discovered a tool of accessing hitherto inaccessible domains and I am thankful to existence for providing them to me.

Well, the next year will be yet another journey into the unknown. I begin fresh and yet a little more mature than before. New paths open up to me even as I write this down. More and more will come, and some more will be gone. I wonder how this will unravel in front of my eyes. Alone I walk in this, and yet not alone – for the memories and the lessons from the past keep me company. Some people will join me on this path, and some won’t.

The blessings of the universe are with me, as they are with all of us. Life moves on to the next step – 2007 here I come!

Dealing With It

Sometimes in life there comes a time where one has to make a choice – choose the lesser of the two evils.

Last week I was faced with one such choice – and I chose the lesser of the two evils. On the 19th of Dec, 2006, I enforced my choice.

I can’t say that I was very pleased about the whole thing. Either ways, any choice would have been painful for all parties concerned.

PK was the solid rock to me throughout the entire ordeal. I can’t really blame him for the choice he wanted me to make. It must have scared him more than it scared me. But then I told him, that I would always blame him for this choice. I know that it is completely wrong of me to do so, but then one needs someone to point a finger at once in a while – someone real, not some circumstances. He cried too…and I saw it. He won’t own up to the crying, but that is what all men do!

Gulshan came through like an angel sent from heaven. When I did not know where to go and what to do, she showed me the way. She asked me which choice would make me feel more guilty. That actually helped me enforce my choice and not feel so bad about it.

Thats not to say that I came away feeling very good about what I had chosen, but, at least I feel that I did the ‘right thing’. But nothing can kill the pain of what I did do. Nothing can cure it. Nothing can heal it.

Lets just say, that I am lucky to have age and some maturity at my side to help me deal with these real situations. Compare this to some of my friends who went through this when they were teens. Probably that is why they still feel so much pain. Maybe my age helps me handle it better – I don’t know. Maybe I am just being cold and unresponsive now, and it will all blow up on to me sometime later – who knows! I am quite surprised with myself about how I am dealing with it.

Three years ago, I would have gotten stoned and blamed the world for my problems. Now I am just smoking a few more cigarettes than usual. I have a project in hand and have gotten down to it. I have to look for a new place to stay and probably a fulltime paying job too…Life has already begun to move on for me. No time to sit and cry…No time for letting go of the pain….Yes, I think it will come later to me!

May Existence help me heal this wound and become more positive and strong and deal with it!

Dhoom 2

The age of sequels has begun in India, with Krissh 2 and now D2. But then sequels are often compared with the first part. Dhoom 2 is no exception. Well, in my personal opinion, they could have done a better job with this one.

Ash looks good and so does Bips. But then their skin colour looks as if it came out of the same bottle. Hrithik in all his get-ups is good. He does a good job as usual – and the fun part is that his role actually eats up Abhishek’s role! Uday in his role as the bad-english speaking, bike mechanic turned cop is just that – nothing unusual. He had a meatier role in the first part.

Ash as “Sunhari” who “like” likes Hritik is in one word BAD. She could have done a better job. It feels as if all she is trying to do is show off her newly acquired body tone, and nothing else. As a role of a somewhat hep fan of Mr.A, she could have worked on her dialogue stlye – the language could have been more hepper and more with it. Her “like” bit actually killed it – because the script could have used it better. The “like”s always sounded more out of place and not natural. The story moves at a slower pace – the first part had real pace.

Hritik’s toys and stunts were amazing though!

And whats with Bipasha’s double role? Why???

Overall, the movie is good for a one time watch if you are a Hritik fan – thats all!

The next part has SRK and Kareena – OUCH! Well, lets see it when it comes, shall we?