It is the end of 2006 and 2007 will begin tomorrow (technically). It is past one a.m. in the night and 31st of December has begun. The year will change and with it so many things will become things from “last year”. How simple life really is! And how fast things change! They say that change is good for you, but they do not know the pains and the happiness that change involves.
In this year just to be over, so many things happened that have now changed my life. I have gained and lost so much and yet, so little! One may say that life has taken a leap forward for me after being in stasis for so long. Yet to the naked eye, nothing much has changed.
Perhaps the change is internal and somewhat external. But whatever or wherever the change may lie, the change has happened. Life, such as it is will move on. I know it. That is inevitable and unchanging.
Let’s see – the beginning of this year saw me joining a company where I was to learn how to be confident of my skills as a writer on a professional level. This was also the organisation where I was to meet the man I would eventually fall in love with – without my wanting to be so. Still, so it was and remains to this day. Then towards the middle of the year, I had left the organisation to strike out on my own, knowing fully well that I had no fallback plan or safety net to hang on to, except for the will to go on. Yet I took the leap and did not look back. I am very nearly broke now, by the way, but that does not matter now. I am still here and going strong. Soon, I shall bounce back to where I was and then there really will be no turning back professionally.
Personally, this year has been a roller coaster ride. This man I met and eventually fell in love with, turned out to be a really good man. He is caring and loving and at the same time a creative and intelligent soul, who understands many of the pains that creative people suffer with. I have also lost someone dear to me. She was my friend from the past 10 years or so. I finally took the step that I was afraid to take. She always underestimated me – I always felt it and knew it. But I was afraid to let go of her, because she was my only friend. Somehow I realised that she did not share the sentiment. We fought because I finally vented and told her some truths about the way I felt. Of course, this is painful, but then, partings always are. Maybe we will meet someday, and then I shall see if she does treat me with respect. If not, then I shall not regret this decision. And if she does, then I shall welcome the humility in her, but I shall not let her in my heart again. It is only a fool who repeats mistakes so grave.
This year, I also gave up something – a dream, a wish of mine that came true. It was the time to be practical. This was the thing I had been wanting for quite some time. I had it in my grasp, but I had not the means to manage it well. I gave it up – I became practical. Yet this is the thing I regret the most. I had wanted this so that I would never be alone again. And yet by giving it up, here I am – alone. Truly alone.
Oh – I know there are several people in this world, far and near, who do care for me. But then, I am truly alone – as is everyone else in this world. It was about time that I acknowledged it and accepted it, I suppose. And this process is quite revealing.
It reveals all our fears to our own self. And in facing those fears, one truly evolves, I think. I am facing them now.
On a spiritual level too, many things happened within the year. I glimpsed many things from my past lives when I went through a regression seminar in August. Many things became clear to me and still are becoming clear day by day. Life becomes simplified. Tarot has helped me see things more and more clearly too. I have discovered a tool of accessing hitherto inaccessible domains and I am thankful to existence for providing them to me.
Well, the next year will be yet another journey into the unknown. I begin fresh and yet a little more mature than before. New paths open up to me even as I write this down. More and more will come, and some more will be gone. I wonder how this will unravel in front of my eyes. Alone I walk in this, and yet not alone – for the memories and the lessons from the past keep me company. Some people will join me on this path, and some won’t.
The blessings of the universe are with me, as they are with all of us. Life moves on to the next step – 2007 here I come!