The Large Hadron Collider has been in the news lately for all sorts of reasons. So, today, I decided to have a look at the Wikipedia page about it here. Fascinating read!

To be honest, all the technical stuff kinda went over my head (yeah, well, that’s why I am no scientist!) – But then the ‘Purpose’ section of the Wikipedia page made me stop, think and wonder. Apparently, among other things, this machine will help Mankind understand so many different concepts and theories – all relating to the creation of the Universe itself!

All the people, especially those from the scientific community are obviously very excited about this – and of course there are those doomsayers who think that this experiment may pose a danger to the world itself.

The one word that has inspired many books, concepts, theories, ideas, philosophies, myths and even religions – why are we so curious (often to the point of being obsessive) about how things began?

What does any person think that the beginning of anything will really reveal?

How does the BEGINNING of anything make any difference to what that thing IS NOW – or for that matter how it ENDS?

An interesting thought – considering that everything that ends must have begun somewhere and unless it begins, it simply cannot end. But it is sure that creation and destruction are both, equally inevitable parts of every single thing that IS.

In Hindu Mythology, there are 3 Gods who are associated with these different aspects of existing – Brahma is the Creator, Vishnu is the Protector, and Shiva is the Destructor. These 3 Gods form a Trinity, to keep everything going. And as per the Divine plan, everything begins remains and ends – apparently all at the same time – simultaneously.

Will knowing how the Earth or even the Universe began really make so much of a difference to Mankind – or is he just satisfying his innate inherent curiosity – and that’s all there is to it?

Or is Mankind waiting for some kind of a revelation to happen at the end of this discovery?

What does Man hope to gain from finding out how it all began? Is it a quest for Glory? Or is it for attaining the honor of becoming a God?

Will that satisfy the thirst?

When we find the Beginning will the search End?

You know what I think: I think that we all exist because of our will to exist and if that will went away, then everything will cease to exist.

It reminds me of something I saw when I meditated once: I had been sitting for some time watching the darkness in front of my eyes and feeling the tingling in my body. And then in the darkness there was a voice that asked: ‘Who Am I?’ And so a blue dot began to take form in that darkness – and it grew and it grew till it covered everything. It was all water, I think, rippling and flowing – and it was almost as if the question had stirred up echoes of reverberations all inside it and on the surface of it. And when each part of that flowing liquid resonated and asked the same question, the cacophony of sounds grew and grew till the whole thing exploded because of the sound. All those particles – each and every one of them – wanted to find out, individually (of course!), who they were! And they all began to move around and began to take shape and form – trying to find their identity in this and that – trying to find out whether this was who they were or that was who they were. They changed their shape and size and form and design – but the answer still eluded them. So they kept on going and going – because each shape and size and form and design – gave them no way, no method and no means of reaching any satisfactory conclusion. The more they changed, the more they began to become more confused about who they were. Soon it came to a point that they even began to forget what the question was in the first place. And it became commonplace for them to keep on changing their form from one thing to the next – completing a life-cycle every single time. And soon, the world (as we know it), began to take form. And then these particles began to become trees and birds and animals and then human beings. They liked becoming human beings – because they could now find several means of expressing their ideas, their thoughts, their concepts and their new questions. So they continued to remain more and more in this human form – they somehow thought that it was the most superior form that they had ever achieved. They were pleased with themselves. But then again, they realized that this form was not quite satisfactory too. Meanwhile, a few among them began to look deeper and probe more and more within themselves. They began to ask more and more questions. All these questions were about the same thing – how did it all begin? And the most important question of all – who were they? And so it all came full circle – and Mankind was besieged by this question – ‘Who Am I?’ Some of them have been able to ‘crack the code’ as it were – and then they supposedly merged with the Supreme. In my meditation, I saw that some of these became glowing blue dots and then some of them, the rare ones, just simply disappeared and started to form the darkness all over again.

And one day, it all went back to becoming the glowing blue dots, and then found its way back to the darkness – of course, only till the next time that a voice asks, yet again: ‘Who Am I?’

And as I moved far away from this, I saw that there were many such blue globes floating around in this darkness – each and every single one of them in different stages of this process. And each particle within each globe asking the same question: ‘Who Am I?’

Creation, Preservation, Destruction – all of them carry within them the seeds of the other. Everything came from the darkness and will go back there to rise once again – in the endless search for the elusive answer.

And this is not the first time this story has occurred. It has happened again and again and will keep on happening for ever.

Nothing is Everything and Everything is Nothing. Everything comes from Nothing – Nothing creates Everything. And then Everything turns into Nothing.

As I came out of this meditation, I realized that either of two things could be possible: that I had a really fantastic imagination (yeah, well…) and that what I saw was REAL.

So I decided that it was really great to JUST BE and ENJOY THE HERE AND NOW and stop chasing the elusive answer. Perhaps that is just the answer.


Gratitude for Politics and Rejection

It was quite an interesting afternoon thought – and finally, I have time to sit down and write it down.

It so happened that: as I was getting ready to meet my friend for lunch today, I was also thinking about my current work load, and was also (in my head) designing the flow of the content I would be writing.

And then a thought just occurred to me…

I had spent last night reminiscing about some part of the past with a friend of mine (over the phone). I was giving her my example and advising her to persevere during the hard times in her life. During that conversation I realized that I do have some anger and some righteous feelings of “See I made it despite your doomsday warnings!” about some certain people in my life who at different points of time tried to hurt me, play dirty politics with me and screw with my mind – all this on a professional and a personal level.

For example, there was D, who always gave me Tarot readings when I had just started my freelance career advising me to leave it for good and take up a job. Then, there were these 2 people, whom I shall not name here, who played stupid politics with me at the company where I used to work before I started freelancing.

It is because of those 2 people that I left the company where I was working to start a freelance career. Instead of feeling angry and holding a grudge in my mind against these people, I should actually thank them. If it wasn’t for their stupidity, I wouldn’t have left the company in the first place. Sure, I still would have written for websites et al, and I still would have handled my team and probably the company would have really gone places. But then Fate had something better in store for ME!
Today, I have my own identity. Today I am my own independent person. Today I have my own style, place and method of working – which by the Grace of the Goddess – has never let me down.

And as for D. Well, what to say of her. Today, I actually feel sorry for her. Really, I do. I mean, what did she achieve after all this? She rejected a good and loyal friend – which in this day and age are really hard to come by. She threw away 10 years of genuine friendship. And for what – an affair with a married guy who divorced his wife and then eventually even dumped her. What was she expecting? That he would marry her or something? And then what did she do? She went and had another affair with some guy who practically announced to the world that he was just using her for some fun. And now, after having dumped her long ago, he is all set to marry someone else. And after all the shit that went down, D had to leave Pune because she had become quite (in)famous all over the city.

Well… like I have said several times over in my blog, it’s her loss!

But yes, I do feel extremely sorry for her today. She dissuaded me from going into my freelance business. She probably didn’t have the guts to take such a step for herself. And so, when I did it, she tried to put hurdles in my path.

She and her negativity left me one day. And trust me when I say this – that it was just 2 days after she stepped out of my life and the house we used to share, that I began to get assignments and whatnot. In fact, business pretty much took off the day she moved out.

I really never did believe that someone’s negativity could really affect anyone else like that – but trust me it does! I have experienced it. And for me – I was quite the stupid one there. Because I easily let her dominate me for quite some time in my life.

Well, not now – not ever! No one is ever going to do that to me ever again!

So here it is in writing for all the world to see: thanks for those who have hurt me before! Thanks for all the rejection that you have sent my way! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

If it wasn’t for all your sheer stupidity and clumsy approaches to hurt me, I wouldn’t be here today! And I most certainly wouldn’t be rocking like I am today!
So thank you – one and all!

So long, suckers!

Life and a Tooth Extraction

Two Dental X-Rays Rs. 600,
One Dental Surgery Rs. 5000,
Antibiotics and Painkillers Rs. 1000,
The Value of Your Wisdom – PRICELESS!

I know I have been out of the blogging scene for quite some time now – but trust me, I had very, very valid reasons for not being there…and one of them was my dental surgery.

My saga with teeth extraction began at quite an early age – when my milk teeth refused to fall out to let my permanent teeth come out. Those were the early days – and dentists back then didn’t used to have any cream to put into your mouth before they gave you the injection with the local anesthetic. I came to know what it feels like to be paying to get tortured very early on in life.

Later on, we found another lady dentist who had this wonderful cream. By then I had discovered that if I closed my eyes and didn’t look at the horrible things that she was aiming and thrusting into my mouth, I would not be so traumatized by the entire affair.

And so, each and every single milk tooth of mine was extracted when the permanent tooth began to raise its head above the gum line.

There were even these hazy six-seven months of orthodontic treatment where this fellow put wires in my mouth. And just for doing that, I had to extract some four more teeth inside my mouth. But then he ran off and disappeared, and left me with these funny things in my mouth which caused me much pain because they hurt the insides of my cheeks and lips. I finally put an end to that torture by asking the nice lady dentist to “just remove that shit out of my mouth”.

Then as I thought that it was over, I got my wisdom teeth. These two were in the upper jaw. They kept peeking out, slowly and painfully – over a period of six months. Then, they were at a place where she could easily extract them. Phew! I thought that was that. But no…

In 2005, my third wisdom tooth began to come out of its hiding place and soon began to cause me trouble with the headphones that I had to wear to do my job at the call centre. That was when I re-discovered torture.

I went through at least 3.5 hours of grueling dental surgery to remove the impacted wisdom tooth from my lower jaw. This one took its own sweet time healing. And the pain – the pain was excruciating. Plus, I could not eat much since the jaw had become quite locked. It was an exercise in suffering to actually get the jaw to open wide like it used to. But I did it.

And now, in the past week, I went through the ordeal of a dental surgery once more. This was the very last wisdom tooth in my mouth. This one was also impacted, at a very interesting angle and of course, had a cavity too! This time though, the surgery lasted 2 hours, and I began to open and close my jaw right afterwards. This time, I didn’t require too much local anesthesia and I think am on the road to recovery sooner – simply because I am not drinking and doping like I was back then. I am smoking a lot less. But I can eat soft foods and open my jaw. And I am sleeping whenever I feel like because the painkillers make me drowsy. But the Ganapati festival is on and the music doesn’t let me sleep so well…


Combiflam Rocks!

Right before all this was scheduled to happen, I had started to outsource this article writing project that I had – I already have a team of 3 writers, and 2 more are joining in soon. Wow!

Am so involved in the process of editing and proofreading their work – it’s crazy!
Plus, I got a few more interesting projects lined up – which will be keeping me busy enough!

You know, I have noticed this – every time I fall sick or something to that effect, I either get more work opportunities or I get an assignment which takes me to the next level of my work standards.

Life has taken me through all kinds of ups and downs and plateaus and I have survived all of them. I have started to meditate again – after a long break of nearly 10 years! I have begun to take certain things seriously and have put some things in place for myself. I have decided that life is fun and all, but I have to find a way to make space in it for my own self. I was losing myself in my work and so on, which is good, but not for a long term scenario. My health too needs to be taken seriously, but not so seriously that I forget all else. The concept that I am trying to reach is called ‘Balance’. Finding that is not so easy. But I remember, back in the school days, I used to meditate and used to find that same thing easy to achieve – what with the pressures I used to face back then. So meditation will provide me with the answers and the balance I am looking for. A much awaited change. But very, very welcome!

Like I said – the value of wisdom is priceless! It took me a couple of dental surgeries to find my path – what about you?