This hit me yesterday – I am going to have only 10 more days before I leave India for ever and ever. I really have no idea when I am going to come back – if I am going to come back at all…Who knows what lies ahead in the future.
Although I am excited to go to the USA and spend time with my mother etc etc, I know in my heart that my life is going to change for ever. Nothing is going to remain the same in my life.
I mean, in all probability, I am going to remain the same (or maybe I will ‘evolve’ [can I say the word??]) – but no matter what, the external environment around me is surely going to change.
Nothing ever remains the same. All things change. And change is the only constant in life.
Strange. After a bit of struggle etc my life here was actually taking off and I was doing quite well for myself. Finally, I had begun to feel as if I was growing little shoots (the mini version of roots) and … and then out of the blue all these things just began to move and things happened.
I had known about these things for at least 6-8 months now, but I had decided against writing / speaking about it to anyone. I don’t know. Maybe I got a bit superstitious. The last time I had advertised about my visa to all and sundry, and then when I hadn’t received the visa, I had felt so nuts…everyone used to ask me about it and I didn’t want to even talk about it. In fact, ever since my mom had applied for my visa, the whole story had grown and grown to actual mythical proportions.
Immigration visas to USA under certain categories take as long as 8 years to come through. Mine happened in 6 years.
Several times during the past 6 years, I have even seen a slight sneer in peoples’ tones and voices when they used to talk about the whole ‘Oh! You are eventually going to the USA’ business.
I mean, hey, I understand. This is the way things work in the world. And there is nothing I can do to change things.
And so this time, I didn’t breathe a word to anyone. Only 3-4 close friends knew of this – one was the husband-wife duo with whom I was staying whenever I had to go to Mumbai. One was my student-friend who was giving me Reiki. And no one else would’ve guessed.
So when I came back on the evening of the 31st of December and SMSed everyone, most people were shocked. No one was expecting this news.
I know a new life awaits me – there will be some certain challenges as well – I can foresee some, and some I will come to know when I go there.
I spent as much time as I could meeting up with all the good friends of mine – those who bothered to come down and meet me anyways…
At this moment, I am feeling so emotional and sentimental, it’s not funny.
And in the midst of all this hullabaloo, I discovered that I had misplaced my graduation mark sheets. I got PK to call up D and I called up her friend to see if they had the documents by any chance. Of course, the friend denied having it – perhaps she didn’t. D refused to help out. So I did what I had to do – I prayed to Meher Baba – asked him to make sure that if someone had those documents, then they would return them to me, and then, in the meantime, I went to the University and applied for a duplicate set of mark sheets.
Then I went on with my life.
On the Saturday just gone, D calls up PK and tells him that she has the mark sheets, and she wants him to come pick them up from her. She had come down to Pune for some work and she dropped them off for him. He got them, and brought them over to my place.
So the next day, I messaged D and thanked her for caring enough to return the documents to me.
I guess deep down inside, neither of us wants to really go out of the way to hurt each other. But then D and I never really worked that way. Some of her books and stuff were with me, and when I discovered that, I had simply returned them to her. So I guess, when she discovered that she had my documents, she returned them to me. It happens.
So now, all my accounts are closed – Karmic and otherwise…am going to leave the country of my birth and go live in a strange land where it snows all the time – I don’t know when I can ever stand in the sunlight the way I do right now – and am going into a totally different culture: In short am going into the UNKNOWN.
But you know what, I am not getting anxious or worried – because that has never solved my problem.
What I am getting is emotional and sentimental.
Here is a list of things that I will actually miss: This place – this house, the people, the circle of friends, the whole ‘hanging out at Prems’, my group of Tarot students, some good clients who have become friends over a period of time, spending time watching silly Hindi movies at the mall, getting stuck in a traffic jam and hurling abuses in Hindi, Marathi and English at the other person, singing along (loudly) to Hindi songs anywhere and everywhere with friends, SMOKING, just picking up the phone and calling my friends over for chai – or going over to their place for chai – or meeting up without any damn reason and having chai, gossiping about this and that, the seasons and the festivals and the fun that they brought along with them, INDIA – my Motherland, the smell of the earth just before it rains, the smell of the raatrani flowers in my lane when we used to walk down in the night, NALU – My maid and my home-management-support-system…..the list will just go on and on and will probably not end so soon….
32 years in a country, and poof, it is all set to change.
I guess, this is the way of it. A chapter ends. A new chapter begins.