Being Selfish

As a child, I was taught to be un-selfish. I was supposed to share everything I had with my little sister, with my friends and so on.

As I grew up, being selfish was made out to be among the worst things you could be.

But today, I am forced to ask this to myself: what is wrong with being selfish?

I mean, everyone else actually is being selfish all the bloody time. Of course, the hypocrites that they are, they don’t / won’t / can’t just admit it. Neither to themselves, nor to the world.

Frankly, I’ve lost enough faith in people to realize that I can’t expect them to do so either.

Which brings me to another question that I am forced to ask myself: if these people are, in fact, being selfish, how is that wrong – especially if I take the effort of seeing things from their perspective?

The Dilemmas in the Real World

In the real world, we come across a variety of situations where it is relatively easy for us and for other people to be selfish.

People only do things and say things which are right from their point of view. They don’t / can’t / won’t consider the other person’s feelings. They just aren’t even wired that way.

In such situations, would it be right to see things from their perspective? Even when it hurts mine? Do I have to do that?

Do I really have to be all understanding and stuff to put myself in their shoes and try to see things from their point of view? Doesn’t that pretty much go against the whole concept of being selfish to begin with?

I mean, I can’t be selfish and try to see things from their point of view – both – at the same time, can I?

It kinda defeats the whole purpose, doesn’t it?

Solving Tricky Conundrums – C’est La Vie?

I guess, solving such sticky questions is part of life’s little tests, right?

It is one of those trick questions that life puts out. You’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t. Either way, you are pretty much screwing yourself over, regardless.

I guess, the only solution for these types of situations is to pretend that I didn’t realize it and go about my life, but with a certain level of awareness that these thought processes do exist in that person’s mind.

today I choose meIn all honesty though, it is hard. And it will continue to be hard for me. Because, the kind of person that I am, I simply find it so damn frustrating to be that way myself.

But, I guess if I keep doing it over and over, it may become involuntary, just like breathing, right?


India Trip Recap

The idea of posting stuff on this blog about the years gone by and about my India trip was awesome.
Predictably, I began writing about it. Long, lengthy rants. But then, suddenly, I realized something.
All of this ranting would practically achieve nothing. Nothing for me, that is. I read through the stuff I’d written and realized that none of those rants held any power – any venom. They were just matter-of-fact statements about all the stuff that happened.
So, with a smile on my face, I quickly discarded those drafts, and here I am doing what I do best – being honest and straight with my information. 😃
So, let’s begin with the India trip recap.

The Good

Here’s the good stuff that happened while on the India trip.

Meeting Friends

I met up with some really good friends of mine, caught up with them face-to-face and had some really great conversations.


Rachel was one of the first of my friends to come over and meet me. I was so happy to meet her. She’d gone through a lot over these past few years, and it was real nice to sit down and listen to her talk about it. We went out to Prems and had dinner and had a jolly good time of it!


Pranita came over several times, and we ended up having so many wonderful conversations. She truly believes in learning constantly, and has kept herself busy learning a lot of stuff! Gosh! I really admire her for that.
She is an awesome Tarot reader herself, and we did exchange readings for each other. She also had a bunch of interesting insights into a certain issue that I had been grappling with over the past few months, and I really appreciated it! Thanks Pranita!


IMG_0621Radhika is an awesomely nice person, in every way that counts. She is also one of my Tarot students. But now, she has become a Past Life Regression Practioner.
Of course, we did a couple of sessions (apart from hanging out at Prems and at her home, of course). Those PLR sessions were truly awesome, and Radhika is a natural at it. Truly!
The insights I gained from these sessions coupled with Pranita’s insights really gave me a whole lot of clarity about my life purpose and goals and hurdles etc.
Thanks a million Radhika! You are truly awesome!


Talking about Gulshan in a few words is simply not enough. She is like a second mother to me. We spent a bunch of time hanging out with each other, having conversations about all sorts of things (spiritual and non spiritual).
IMG_0693We also went to Meherabad together! It turned out to be quite an adventure because on our way there we were beset by a bunch of Shiv Sena people shouting slogans and generally stopping traffic. Sometimes I really wonder if I miss India or not. That moment was a total not. LOL
The experience at Meherabad was awe inspiring too! It is so easy to feel Baba’s presence near the Samadhi. It is as if He talks to you in your mind when you sit there and listen silently.
I can never forget Gulshan’s kind heart and soothing presence. Sometimes, all you need is a hug and a kind word, and all your troubles melt away. Gulshan is probably the most open hearted person I’ve met in my entire life.
Thanks so much for being in my life Gulshan! You are awesome!


I used to freelance for Prashant, writing SEO articles and what not. Over time, we became friends. This time round, we hung out a couple of times. He even accompanied Gulshan and I to Meherabad.
We chatted about this and that. Prashant is an expert in SEO things (stuff that even I don’t know much about), and I totally respect all his knowledge and experience. He gave me so many interesting tips and ideas, and I dutifully wrote them all down. And of course, when the time comes, I plan to implement all of them! Thanks Prashant!


IMG_0613Rohi is a writer friend of mine. And he is such an awesome person! So calm, so quiet. Intelligent. And a very talented storyteller.
We had some very interesting chats about all sorts of writerly stuff. I totally enjoyed all the time we spent together. And I really appreciate you being my friend Rohi! Thanks for being there for me whenever I reach out, Rohi!

Yogini & Shalini

IMG_0637Back when it wasn’t cool for girls to go see the night show at a movie theatre and back when there weren’t any of the hi-fi movie theatres in Pune city (yes we are that old), Yogini, Shalini and I would go do all these things and have a grand ole time of it!
Meeting my old pals after such a long time felt so nice! Both Yogini and Shalini are now married and have one kid each. So many things have changed in their lives, but they are basically the same people I used to hang out with way back when!
We had such a grand time, reminiscing over old times, and catching up with all the new developments in each others lives!
Totally awesome time Yogini and Shalini! I miss having you girls to just do weird and wild things with!


IMG_0647Sanjyot is my sister’s friend from college. She used to come over to our place often when she and my sister were studying. We met up after all these years and caught up with each other and gossipped a bit about my sister! LOL
It was fun! Thanks for meeting me Sanjyot!


IMG_0728Anisha is also one of my Tarot students. We managed to meet up towards the end of my stay and got on like a house on fire! She is such a charming and sweet person! Her kindness shines through her eyes! And yes, we managed to squeeze in a bunch of exchange readings too, and I must say I was so very impressed! Anisha is truly an awesome Tarot card reader!
Thanks for everything Anisha! You are awesome!


IMG_0669Yes, I have a friend with the same first name as mine! Isn’t that simply awesome! Of course, we have different personalities, but we truly connected. I met her while in the US, and then she moved back to India sometime last year. So we caught up and had a bunch of fun hanging out at the mall and generally having fun!

Ratna Kaku

Ratna kaku is my Tarot student Amruta’s mom. She is such a sweetheart! When she visited me, I was totally in such a bad shape with loosies! And she took such good care of me. She made sure I was all right and even went and got meds for me from a pharmacy.
Later on, I visited her and she fed me the most delicious home cooked meal I had had in my trip! Wow!
Thanks for everything Ratna kaku! You are awesome!


Apurva has become an RJ! She had always wanted to do that, and now she has! Kudos! You go girl!
And she’s come through a bunch of stuff in her life as well…
I must say one thing though – Apurva is one heck of a brave, and beautiful person. And to top it all, she is an awesome, awesome Tarot card reader too!
I am so very lucky to have her in my life as a friend. Thanks for meeting me Appu, and am so glad you made it!


IMG_0629Swati is one brave chick, all right! She’s a tough cookie, and if anyone messes with her, they will so have it!
Swati is studying to become a lawyer, and I pray that she is able to acheive her dreams in life. I truly wish nothing but the best for you Swati!
I really enjoyed spending time with you Swati – although no matter how much time we spend together it only seems too short a period. I am glad to have you on my side!


IMG_0737Chandan and I met after a very long time.
And for the longest time, he was harboring a misunderstanding about me. He thought I was angry with him about something that he’d done.
So, we talked about it. And although I do understand the reasons why he did what he did, and although I don’t agree with his method, I just accepted his explanation and things went smooth from that point onwards.
We talked about a lot of things. And Chandan is a great person to hang out with – witty, charming and as he likes to say it a nice guy!! Thanks for being my friend Chandan. Its always great to talk with you.


IMG_0683I stayed in Prachi’s place via AirBnB and I was so glad that I did! She is an awesome person, and I am glad to have met her. Not only was she a wonderful host, she was also a great conversation partner. There were many evenings when we sat in the beautiful balcony of her home, swigging down beer and chatting away about this and that… Thanks to her, I also found this real nice salon so I could get a real smashing haircut. Thanks Prachi, for being such a wonderful host, and an even wonderful human being! I wish you all the best for your life!

Finishing Tasks

I ended up completing all of the various tasks assigned to me by my mom.
I got a brand new, awesome looking diamond ring made (there’s an entire blog post about this one), and fixed my other ring which was getting too tight.

Let’s Hang Out…

IMG_0675I visited a bunch of my favorite restaurants, the best being several trips to Prems! 😃

I also visited the newly reconstructed German Bakery.

And of course, I could not give Starbucks a miss! LOL You know, the baristas at the Starbucks in Pune (Koregaon Park) are actually nicer than most of the (very busy) baristas here in the NY / NJ. Isn’t that funny!!

Main Task

On my return journey, I brought my grandmother (mom’s mom) along with me. She will be staying with us from now.
All in all, it was quite a successful trip on those counts.

The Bad

There were 2 bad things that happened to me during this trip.

Getting Ditched

The first one was being ditched by a ‘friend’ of mine who had invited me to stay with him in Mumbai as soon as he had heard that I was coming to India. He had insisted that I plan to stay with him in Mumbai for at least a week to 10 days. And then, he got sent off to some place in the middle east on work. So I changed a few dates of my trip so I could do as he had asked. And then, he failed to tell me that his company had asked him to stay on for a couple of months. Wow! I guess I should be greatful that he at least informed me a couple of days before I was supposed to land at his place. Since my return ticket was already booked there wasn’t nothing more I could do, except for extend my stay at the place I was renting out.
I didn’t appreciate this last minute thing, and I am not even talking about the extra, unplanned expense that suddenly popped into my bank account. I just hope that someday he doesn’t get ditched in this same way.
Of course, he hasn’t apologized to me so far. So yeah. Some people can be real bitches – and it doesn’t matter if they are guys. Bitches be bitches. And I call it like it is.

Meeting the Ex

The second bad thing that happened was when I met my ex. Granted that he is the ex, and that, all those years ago, I chose to walk out of the relationship. But for the past 5-odd years, he had been systematically telling me how much he loved me and missed me and so on.
When you break up because of all sorts of practical reasons, and then when you are trying to get over someone, and then the guy keeps apologizing and telling you that he still cares etc, you tend to think that maybe you took a hasty decision. That’s exactly what happened to me. I began to think that I had while I had made a very practical decision, my emotions weren’t perhaps agreeing with that decision.
And then, boom! A few months before I went to India, he tells me that he’s been seeing this girl (who happens to be a common friend of ours from way back when) since the past couple of months. And the only reason that they were telling me about their relationship was because they didn’t want me to find out from someone else!
Yeah, right!
In the end, though, when I asked him about all those phone calls and so forth, he was like: “yeah of course, I missed you and I love you, but (and get this) not in that way!”
Wow! Just wow!
I guess a part of me was just astounded by how easily he could do that. He was one of the people who contributed in me feeling that I couldn’t trust the words people spoke. And now, more than ever, he was convincing me that his words weren’t trustworthy on any level.
I was also upset about another thing. I discovered it after a whole lot of self reflection. And I am being upfront and straight up honest here: I was upset that he’d moved on before me.
In either case, he tried to put me on a guilt trip, when he inadvertently brought up some really gritty parts of our relationship which had moved me to become all practical and all, all those years ago. I really didn’t appreciate it when he tried to absolve himself of all the guilt, and tell me that if I even tried to make him feel guilty he would start drinking again. Wow!
An alcoholic will come up with n number of reasons to drink. I just didn’t think that he would come up with such an hurtful one.
Either way, I saw through it and decided that it just wasn’t worth my time and trouble to even discuss it with him. Let him do whatever he wants to do with his addiction. The most refreshing aspect of this conversation was that I realized that it just wasn’t my problem any more!!

The Heat! OMG The Heat

One thing that I really didn’t like during my trip was the heat! Of course, since I had landed there in the month of May, I don’t think I have much right to complain, but boy was the heat bad!

I was sweating buckets every single time I stepped out of the shower, and even stepped out of the house for all the different tasks that were on my To-Do List! The heat was so bad! 

The whole time, I actually missed the cooler weather of the US. LOL

The Ugly

And yes, finally, I come to D. I’ve ranted about her on this blog before. So I am not going to give her any more footage. But since all sorts of memories came back to me, I did manage to piece together some nuggets of the ugly truth about her.
I realized that she had been lying to me about certain aspects of her life from the very first day since we became ‘friends’. After going through the predictable reactions of surprise and anger, I came to one ugly (and sad) conclusion: this is one woman who has the capacity to lie, consistently and constantly, for about 10 – 15 years, to someone who thought of her as a best friend.
I shudder to think of what other nefarious capabilities this woman may posess. It is deeply disturbing. Some may even think this is a pathological trait.
Another thing I realized is that I am a total fool! I take people on their face value and never think that they may be anything but genuine with me. I guess that it is my fault for being so naïve and blinded to the reality.
In short, while going back to India did have its nasty flashback moments, thankfully, they passed as quick as they came.
One thing is for certain though – I’m glad she’s not my problem any more!!


Finally, the quick recap is done (at some 2500-odd words), and I am so relieved!
All in all, the takeaway for me over here is that time passes, and people move on. But friends, true friends, live on and love each other no matter what. Regardless of any of the external factors, we come to know who our true friends are only when we see them go through things in their lives, and when they are (or aren’t) around when we go through things in our lives. Only time and experience, coupled with the rocks of Existence do we understand the real meaning of our lives, and the real value of the people in our lives.

Getting Back to Life

Its been a very long hiatus from this blog for me. For a long, long time, I felt as if there really wasn’t much to write. Not here, anyway.

On the Computer

I used to write – all sorts of stuff. But in my computer’s diary app. (First I used MacJournal, and then I began using EverNote). But then, I realized that writing on my blog was so much more freeing!

Searching for Apps

Then, of course, I searched around for a nice app that would make it easier for me to do that. Since the apps I found weren’t all that useful, I kinda just gave up.
Now I think, I’ve found a solution that just might do the trick. You may want to check out Byword and see if it works for you.
I am beginning to see how this can easily become a wonderful integration into my workflow.

To Write Again…

To write on this blog again, would mean exposing all my thoughts and feelings for the world to see. The way I figured it though, I don’t think many people are actually reading this blog anyways. So what the heck!
And if someone is actually reading it, then go ahead! I’ve stopped wanting to feel bothered by it anymore.
Writing means letting go of all the fears that hold you back. You have to let go of all the things that make you feel exposed, vulnerable and open to ridicule. Because no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, and no matter what you tell people, they will make you feel exposed, vulnerable and ridicule you… So I might as well get my thoughts out there, while I’m at it.

Many Changes…

There have been so many changes in my life these past 5+ years since I moved here. I recently even went back to India for a month.
Suddenly, I felt as if I had walked right back into a very badly scripted melodrama. LOL
Why is it that every time I let people into my world, I feel this way? I feel as if I am standing right in the middle and all this (really weird, and really badly written) soap opera is being played out all around me. I am often too detached, but I do get caught up in the various things that go on.
It can be very tiring, let me tell you. Watching people making complete idiots of themselves, watching me make a fool of myself, watching people getting caught up in events of their lives, watching me getting caught up with life events – all of it makes for a very melodramtic, soap opera-type of a scene.

But Yeah…

Regardless, I want to write here about all the things I do think about and feel.
Right now, all this is all I feel like typing out. So let me get back to my work, so I can write some more tomorrow. Or whenever.